I hate GOD DAMNED LIVE JOURNAL!

I'm sick of losing entries, especially ones I work on for hours - it JUST ISN'T FUCKING FAIR!!!

I could have just written a note to Ruth about how I felt about her comment... I could have just told her IN PERSON what I was thinking. We live in the same FUCKING HOUSE!

But no... instead of doing the logical thing... I wrote to her on LJ... for OVER A FREAKING HOUR... trying to get my reply JUST PERFECT and then I LOST IT BECAUSE OF SOME STUPID GLITCH and I'M SO ANGRY!!!

I don't even like Live Journal... I don't like displaying my thoughts for others to read and I don't like being at the mercy of internet screw-ups or wretched Darn-I-hit-the-wrong-button-because-I-was-too-sleepy snafus.

I'm too old for this crap anyway. LJ is for people younger than I. Not to be a slave to generational motives, but I AM TOO DAMNED OLD to write all sorts of things down for other people to read when I'm really only talking to one person who is five feet away from me!

WHY NOT JUST WRITE TO THEM PERSONALLY OR EVEN JUST TELL THEM IN PERSON?

I'm sorry - I REALLY try to like LJ... I try because Ruthie likes me to respond to her comments... but I can't get behind it... I just can't.

THIS THING MAKES ME ANGRY!

GOD DAMN IT!!

Gosh, that's a difficult question. But here are my best answers...

1) I buy some flowers for my beautiful, perfect partner.

2) I'd make passionate love to her.

3) I'd read a couple of lines to her from a few favorite books or plays.

4) I'd take her to the nearest body of water and spend some time with her there.

5) I'd gather all our cats on our bed and give them lots of treats.

6) I'd bring her outside again, if I still had time, and we'd feed some birds.

If you read my last entry, you know...

I'm sick of being depressed.

So...

I PROMISE I shall give a prize* to anyone who can post something that'll make me cheer up. You'll just have to take my word for it.

This is a bona fide offer.

ENTER NOW!






*I'm thinking gift-certificate.

I'm depressed.

It sucks, because I shouldn't be... things have actually been going pretty well in this part of the park.

I don't know why I feel this way. I started Cymbalta about two weeks ago and it has been helping, particularly with the random pain to which I've grown accustomed. But this is strange... and different. Dunno.

I have no reason to complain, really.

Things have been going really well...

1) We had a lovely Valentine's Day. We went to a seafood restaurant (hard to live up to for a New England girl) for a V-day outing and, even by my standards the food was very good; we had a terrific time. The live music was unobtrusive but very enjoyable and the service was stellar; even the bathrooms were worth mentioning.

2) Ruth got her MRI films back... and now there's visual evidence of her disease. It's a hard cause for celebration to say 'Yay! My partner actually has a debilitating disease!' but is IS good to have visual proof so no one can accuse her of pretending or trumping up her illness. She HAS documented and VALID reasons for her symptoms, both physical and psychological. Which is a big relief to her... and therefore, to me.

3) Her recent group of prescriptions are working pretty well. And I'm happy. Nothing (especially in Medical-land) is perfect but there is distinct improvement and I certainly can't complain.

In addition, I'm also on some new medications... for the first time in about 15 years... and they're helping. Some of my chronic pain is improved and my mood is somewhat stabilized. My new Doctor failed to address a lot of my troubles, it's true, but I can't really complain much, seeing as how I haven't had any medical treatment in about 15 years.

Still and all, I'm depressed. I couldn't tell you why, although I know I am worried that my new Doctor is going to think a moderate pain-reliever and an anti-depressant are going to solve all my problems. The medicines she prescribed take away about 40% of my pain (which is good, but not OPTIMAL) and she flat-out refused to give me anything for itching (YOU try dealing with itching sores on both legs without ANY medication) which really made me angry and ill-disposed towards her.

I've had my disease since I was 14; I'm 42 now, and I've BEEN ITCHING for most of my life. Being told to take OTC antihistamine stank when I was 17... and it really stinks now.

So... I'm angry. I know... I'm supposed to be fucking grateful because I'm finally seeing a Doctor and getting medication... but I'm NOT grateful... I'm still angry.

Guess I've never talked about this here on LJ but I've been used and abused by the medical profession in the past and I have no use for Doctors.

Example: At 14 I was diagnosed with Staphylococcus... this meant I was contagious and no one better get near me or they'd catch it.

This diagnosis was wrong.

Example: At 15 I was diagnosed with Hansen's Disease. Yep, that's right, folks... leprosy. Know what my mother said when she heard this? Even though leprosy is very hard to transmit? She said... "Well, you can certainly understand why we want to have separate dishes and towels, right? We'll keep our total households separate." Sure thing. Fuck you, Mom.

Again... without even a freaking biopsy, this diagnosis was wrong!

Then... another example... I was diagnosed with lupus. Blah, blah, blah. Another wrong diagnosis. Another life-changing mistake.

FINALLY I found a Doctor who had some clue. After a biopsy he diagnosed me... NOT contagious... not life-threatening... just a one-in-a-million chance. I had Linear IGA.

And this Bastard Doctor was the worst of them all.

But that's a story for another time.

I hate Doctors. I hate talking to them, going to them and submitting to their Christing tests.

Sorry for being a big downer and for bitching on a grand scale.

Can't help it... am still depressed.

This one is only based on your name, but I like my result anyway.

( Which Tarot Card Are You? )

Swiped from deyaniera, from whom I pilfer constantly but don't actually know.

( TV Meme/Clean Copy )

( Here are my answers... so there. )

I was thinking about an old friend in the last few days. He and I did a show together a million years ago.

He lives in Greece now. He has a site and page on Wikipedia - so I wrote a note to say hello and ask if he wanted to catch up. Nothing weird or heavy or stalker-y. I'm not/wasn't in love with him; we weren't a couple or anything like that; we were just friends.

I thought about him and wanted to say hello.

Is this is a bad idea?

I hope not.

Ruthie made me promise I wouldn't write anything too serious or heavy or real life intensive to start out. By this, I mean that I'm just getting into LJ recently. And this isn't heavy. I promise.

electrablue, don't be mad at me, baby. I'm just nostalgic, really. I know you don't like it when I get that way, but it's not anything terrible.

Swiped this, like always, lately, from tinhuviel - thanks again.

( Huge Meme of Questions. )

Stolen from deyaniera,whom I don't even know. I'm sorry; please feel free to steal anything you want from my journal.


( What Mythological Creature Are You? )

Cool, huh?

Probably Stephen King's Needful Things (Book on Tape) read by Stephen King. Which I don't currently have on my iPod, damnit.

I stole this from tinhuviel; thanks again for the meme. :)

a. list seven habits/quirks/facts about yourself
b. tag seven people to do the same
c. do not tag the person who tagged you or say that you tag "whoever wants to do it"

( Here are mine. But... )

I'm supposed to tag 7 people and I just really started posting on LJ (you can look at my back entries to prove it) and I don't know 7 people. I know 3 well enough to tag them and, while no one tagged me, I got it from tinhuviel so I couldn't tag her anyway. So I'm only tagging 2 people. Sorry... I'm lame.

I tag the following victims:

electrablue

lianeviolet

Liane, if you've already done this one you are excused. :D

Stolen from tinuviel Thanks... I got this from your memes tag as you suggested.

( Bold those statements which apply to you... )

( Back in the Day TV Meme )

Thanks, Liane! That was really fun! It took me a whole day to write it, though. God, I'm lame.

I'm looking forward to the "John Adams" mini series that's going to be on this year. I'm insanely fixated on the American Revolution in general and on John Adams in particular.

Thank you, William Daniels. I love you.

Pretty good, actually. I resolved to clean more and take better care of my girl.

I'm definitely doing more cleaning; I hope I'm taking better of her, too. I think I am.

Please send me memes - somebody really likes it when I post and I want to keep this up. And I think I have a weakness for memes.

So... help! Promise I'll participate in any that anybody sends, at least till I get into the groove, here.

This is fun! And here I thought I was too old for LJ!

( This was a very happy day with my girl in my favorite city in the world. )

Thanks to my beautiful girl who fixed up my journal!

Yay. Very fun meme! I promised electrablue that I'd post here more often if I could do cool things like this instead of talking about my sucky RL stuff. Even I'm sick of hearing about that.

Instructions:

Go to http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Special:Random.
The article title is the name of your band.

Go to http://www.quotationspage.com/random.php3.
The final words of the last quote on your page are the title of your album.

Go to http://www.flickr.com/explore/interesting/7days/
The FOURTH image on the page is your album cover.
(You can choose to go to
http://www.flickr.com/groups/flickrsocial/pool/ if you prefer a more
dynamic, less philosophical cover.)

Design your cover. Layout and presentation are up to you.

Post your cover, along with these instructions.

In the comments, your friends will tell you what kind of music you
play and the name of the album's single.



I really lucked out!

• 06:14 Miche thought 30 Days of Night sucked/bit/insert vampire pun here. #

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• 17:32 Michele is playing COV. #

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• 15:56 Miche is home and relaxing with COV, after doing a great job of taking care of Ruthie at the hospital. Michie's pretty good. #

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• 00:32 This is Ruth, posting for Miche. Miche doesn't do internet things except for COX. It makes Ruth sad. Thank God for LoudTweeter and LJ. #
• 00:33 Miche is playing Serial Sam on COV and just leveled to 19. She picked up trash and made the bed, which made Ruth happy. Miche + Ruth = <3 #

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